My name is Catherine, and I am a recuperating impulsive devoted gambler. On this 29th January 2007, it's officially 10th year of my recovery process, but I will always remember my history with gambling addiction.
Gambling addiction took away my life without killing me, it took away my family, friends, occupation, my house, and almost ruined my love life with my husband. It cost me more than what money can buy. At that suffering time, I also had undiagnosed mental and emotional health problems that I did not realize until 2002.
I originated from the profundities of hellfire, sadness, and gloom.
My Initially Fizzled Suicide Endeavour
I arouse in an infirmary with bandages enfolded around both wrists and could listen two individuals speaking about knives all over the living room as I passed out once more. All I recollect was everything turning dark in emptiness. Presently I know it was an entire personality and body separate. A psychological/emotional pass out. From that point I went to a compulsion/mental emergency focus.
I was observed for self-murder for the first few days. After a little while, I got help from the psychiatrist there. And of course, since I was also a compulsive gambler, I needed extra treatment. Thus, I began working with an addictions advocate too.
I tried quitting gambling without external help, but it was futile instead I had delved more into it; worse still, I even gambled when in rehab. I suppose I had not arrived at the lowest point yet.
Regardless of my extended stay in rehab and my several efforts to end it all.
What Was Wrong With Me?
It's known as DEPENDENCE. It is an illness that is so difficult to subdue. But can be done. And this wasn't my final time I would execute this circuit.
In some years later, I tried to end my life not due to gambling specifically rather my imprudence relating to monetary issues, and this showed the flaws in the effort I put into getting better physically and mentally.
First lesson? A well-balanced recovery plan. But in 2006 I also only wished to be normal, live life in recovery without having to use drugs for mental/emotional problems. I tried to survive without the pills and treatment sessions, I thought my sickness was caused by my gambling addiction that leads to PTSD, manic depression, mild mania anxiety and bipolar insomnia cycles and OCD. All in all, inside two weeks of no meds? I had returned to serious misery and self-destructive. The way I handled it by taking the pills at once dragged me back to the dark side of emptiness again.
Back in the healthcare facility, another 16-day crisis base stay and days of self-destructive observation.
When discharged this time, I had learned from my mistakes that I have to use drugs to manage my mental/emotional health and happiness as they refer to this as being "dually diagnosed or dual diagnosis."
Challenges within the recovery process, with a little bit of belief, can enhance our horizon. In the event that we are not learning them, we won't see our development. Even if you don't get to choose your addiction, you may hit some rocks during recovery, and you should be prepared for it.
Where Can I Be Visiting With This Portion Of My Story?
In the first place, the propensities and practices that we learn and get inside any dependence and "the cycle" of any habit should be hindered and taken away for us to have a shot at a genuine fair recuperation. Balance is the headstone in your recuperation route as well. Learning the arts and implements in treatment and therapy to discontinue the repeated processes of addiction and clear a path for dispersing control, disavowal, justifications, and more.
Second, come to agree that recovery is a process which extends for the entire duration of life. It is as necessary to agree as Step one, complete surrender.
And third, having a solid 'Relapse Prevention Program' is a mandatory for any individual who comes into recuperation and needs it long-term. No one can claim ignorance of occurrences in their lives. These occurrences are not just catastrophic, but there are also joyful activities.
I think it is why Gamblers Anonymous requests the query in our combo book of "The 20 Questions" to view if you have a challenge with gambling. The question number 19: "Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?" It is an absolute YES! For me. When I got good fortunes, my first thought was to celebrate and have fun by gambling. However, my dependence was very serious I required anything I could pick up to recover, not only Gamblers Anonymous.
I utilized my gatherings and links there for my help and listening to other similar-minded dependents and have my thoughts of how subtle and crafty this ailment is. GA told me that it is crucial for me to be right by other addicts' side during their recovery, because they need us just like when I needed others' supports.
We require to commence a speech regarding this still hush, hush dependence. We should destroy the "myths" about it. It is one approach to smash the "shame" around it, and around the individuals who live double analysed too. Yes, mental/emotional sickness in recovery can be a difficult task, but I think by telling people some of my experiences, vigour, and expectation, and sharing some of my stories can be an example that recovery is achievable, and we can live joyful, sound, and productive lives in recovery!